Canadian Mennonite
Volume 11, No. 17
September 3, 2007


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Stories of faith in life

An Irish adventure in hospitality

Jack Dueck

We arrive at Shannon Airport in advance of 26 Goshen College students for a six-week western Ireland literature and history tour. Before leaving Indiana, professor John Fisher and I had immersed our students in things Irish, from stew, readers’ theatre, and poetry, to scenery and history.

Our first order of business was to arrange lodging for our group, including an extended stop at the annual Listowel poetry festival. Being students, housing would need to be in hostels, campsites or something improvised. Nearing Listowel, we note a bed and breakfast sign at a small farmyard.

Mary McCartney answers the door. Hearing of our interest in lodging for the festival, she asks, “Where are you from then?”

“America,” we answer.

“O, I’m sorry, I couldn’t take North Americans…again.”

A brief silence ensues, but before leaving, Eleanor, my wife, says, “We understand something unfortunate must have occurred. Would you tell us about it?”

Hesitantly, she explains: “A few years ago I booked a group from America. They were so rowdy all night, drinking, rude and inconsiderate. I couldn’t welcome Americans again. But my husband said, ‘Mary. Americans aren’t all like that.’ The next group seemed better. But after booking it for three days, they went into Listowel and found a pub-hotel they liked better and never returned nor did they inform me.”

“We understand and are sorry,” John tells her.

We turn to leave when Irish hospitality intervenes. “But won’t you come in for a cup of tea?” Mary asks.

Seating us at the picture window overlooking the hill-framed Irish meadow, Mary and her young daughter serve us tea and scones on their fine china.

“How many then might there be in your group?” Mary enquires.

“Twenty-six,” we tell her.

“Holy mother of God, I can take only up to eight.”

“That would be just fine,” John replies. “The women folk can sleep in their sleeping bags on the floors; the men would favour the experience of sleeping in the hay mow.”

We decide to stay. Mary cooks up breakfasts and evening meals. When returning after a late night of poetry reading, while no McCartney was in sight, a freshly steeped kettle of tea and “addictive” Irish soda bread stands ready.

Some evenings, gathering around Irish stew and soda bread, they sing their songs and we sing from our tradition. With son Patrick at the guitar, we soon sing all our songs together.

Looking over some family photos on the old piano we note one teenage boy not among us. And then Mary can tell her story and be heard. Her eldest had been killed in a motorcycle accident—a parked flatbed truck, without lights, and a son splattered into it. The family priest urged Mary, unable to stagger through her grief, to take on tourists again. “It’s your gift, Mary, and people will help heal you.” Then came the incompatible Americans.

Next day we detour to the rural cemetery and gather around Shawn’s grave. Later, discovering this gesture, Mary smiling, weeping, hugging us, exclaims, “Now, you wouldn’t have done that!”

More stories, more feasting and now all together, filling the small farmhouse, singing “Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow,” turning the dwelling into a vibrant mead hall. From the words “Won’t you?” flow song and peace and storytelling and healing and feasting and human solidarity and living Irish poetry.

In the words of Irish poet William Butler Yeats, “peace comes dropping slow.”

At parting, bicycles line the drive while McCartneys and students mill about in embraces, tears and laughter.

Mary sees us off with the entreaty, “God bless you and keep you.”

Cycling through the postcard country one student remarks, “This must be the only country where the people and the scenery are better than shown in the tourist brochures.”

Stewardship stories for the generous life (Part V)

Christian values shape wedding plans

As told to Ferne Burkhardt

When Sherri and James Martin-Carman decided to get married, they also decided to have their wedding reflect who they are and the deeply rooted values that guide their life. Planning started with a focus on God, community and stewardship.

They observe with disappointment that even Christian weddings have become more elaborate and expensive. The first decision is often booking the right hall a year or two in advance of the wedding and filling all the engagement time with frenzied planning: wardrobe, reception, dinner, dance, music, flowers, decorations, gift registry, guest list, invitations, photographer, parties, honeymoon. Finally, almost as an afterthought, a quick visit with the pastor takes care of the ceremony itself.

Before the big day, the bills begin to roll in. Huge bills. One friend had no money left to buy basic furniture. “That’s not a good way to start a marriage,” says Sherri. “It’s far too stressful.”

She and James opted for an upside-down approach. They first discussed their lifetime together, which they felt deserved more attention than the few hours of celebration on the wedding day. They did set a date—about six months in advance—and made sure the church and the ministers they wanted were available.

Then they decided on a theme and planned a worship service. The service included congregational hymns which had special meaning for them, introductions by a family member, Scripture readings with brief reflections by three pastor friends, prayers, a children’s story, a foot-washing ceremony for the bride and groom, and the hymn, “Will You Let Me Be Your Servant.” Then came the marriage vows, the ring exchange, candle-lighting, a congregational response and benediction.

The theme for the wedding was quilts, symbolic of “Bits and pieces of two lives [coming] together to form a new whole,” said a poem by a friend. The poem and quilt motifs graced the cover of the bulletin that was run off on the church copier.

Quilts symbolize community, which is important to James and Sherri, so they involved lots of people. They invited the entire congregation, where Sherri was a pastor, to the service and to an evening of fun, after a dinner for family and special friends. They had set up a unique comforter to be knotted by people of all ages with time to fill. The top was made of fabric patches from family and friends. The comforter, a memento of the community that blessed their marriage, decorates their livingroom.

Meanwhile, church youths supervised small children in a play area. Each child received a “book” of titled blank pages to draw pictures of the day’s activities. They could exchange one picture for a photo of the bridal couple. The children’s signed pictures now make up a “book” in the Martin-Carman home alongside the wedding photo album.

Community extended into dinner. Church women baked pies for dessert. Youths, along with parents, did all the serving and clean-up. This plan did not save money because the couple donated $400 to the youth group, but it built relationships and, hopefully, the youths noticed a different wedding model. James and Sherri also made a donation to Rockway Mennonite Collegiate instead of buying gifts for all the people who helped, since many of them had connections to the school.

The couple did cut costs in other ways, honouring their stewardship value. Everything happened at the church, so there was no extra cost for a reception hall. Guests provided entertainment: eclectic music groups, including Sherri’s dad’s old-timer quartet and a harmonica band, hilarious speeches and an open mike. Sherri chose a simple gown off the rack instead of a fussy, sequined ensemble with train and veil, and James did not wear a tuxedo.

A professional photographer friend took pictures. There was no limousine, no make-up artist or professional hairstylist, no florist, no monogrammed gifts, no D.J. or dance, and no alcohol. There was no gift registry, no bachelor party—nor debts to pay off!

Sherri’s advice to people contemplating marriage is to start the planning with the pastor rather than professional wedding salespeople. “As people of faith, should culture guide us?” she asks. She believes Christians should aim for moderation and that shorter engagements would bring a sharper focus on what is really important in marriage.

“Our wedding was the best we’ve been to,” says a beaming James. “We chose people over glitz,” adds Sherri, “and it went way beyond what I imagined.”

Originally published by the MC Eastern Canada Stewardship Commission in 2004-05.


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