Canadian Mennonite
Volume 11, No. 01
January 8, 2007


InConversation

Letters

This section is a forum for discussion and discernment. Letters express the opinion of the writer only, not necessarily the position of Canadian Mennonite, the five area churches or Mennonite Church Canada. Letters should address issues rather than criticizing individuals and include contact information. We will send copies of letters referring to other parties to them to provide an opportunity to respond in a future issue if their views have not already been printed in an earlier letter.

Please send letters to be considered for publication to letters@canadianmennonite.org or to Canadian Mennonite, 490 Dutton Drive, Unit C5, Waterloo, ON, N2L 6H7, “Attn: Letter to the Editor.” Letters may be edited for length, style and adherence to editorial guidelines.

Views of God must change as we grow

This high school dropout, now 83 years old, is responding to the “‘Young prophet’ denies spiritual principles” letter by Ryan D. Jantzi (Nov. 13, page 15).

I personally know Sarah Johnson. I fully support her deeper understanding of spiritual principles (“A personal confession of faith,” Aug. 21, page 8). If I were to write down my deep beliefs, it would be in the same vein as hers. How wonderful it did not take her 83 years to have this mature understanding.

In the parable in Mathew 25:14-29, the master was going on a journey and required his servants to look after things according to their abilities; one had five talents and he doubled them, so the master took the talent the from the slothful servant who buried it in the ground for safekeeping and gave it to the servant with 10 talents.

We are using our greatest talent—thinking deeply—when we study to understand God’s created universe and his eternal creatures. Jesus was the great example for us; he stood for truth and love, telling us to love our enemies and not just our friends and neighbours.

Why is it that all religions and cultures think they have the right and only true religion? Is it because, as young children, we are locked into believing what the preacher interprets from the Bible, thus winning his group to follow his belief and rules?

In closing, I quote from deceased Kitchener-Waterloo (Ont.) Record religion columnist Frank Morgan, who wrote just months before his death in November: “Don’t claim to have all the truth, and don’t claim that other faiths are lesser faiths than your own. And be very sure if your thinking about God and his will for us has not changed since you were in public school, then you really need a spiritual awakening.”

—Arnold Meyers, Waterloo, Ont.

Dunham book predates Wiebe’s by four decades

It was good to read of the generosity of Rudy Wiebe and Sarah Klassen in helping to establish the new school of writing at Canadian Mennonite University.

However, I would like to point out that Wiebe’s book, Peace Shall Destroy Many, was not the first novel about Mennonites in Canada in English. Almost 40 years before its publication, The Trail of the Conestoga by B. Mabel Dunham was published in 1924, with a foreword by Prime Minister W.L. Mackenzie King.

It was well received and was followed by a number of other books, including Krisli’s Trees in 1948, which won the Canadian Library Association’s medal for best children’s book of the year.

Dunham, who died in 1957, was the first president of the Canadian Federation of University Women in Kitchener-Waterloo, Ont.

—Anne Millar, Kitchener, Ont.

God, money and me

Money and marriage

—Mike Strathdee

Money problems are a leading cause of failed marriages, the cable TV series Til Debt Do Us Part suggests. In the program, Canadian author Gail Vax-Oxlade works on financial makeovers for couples who are in over their heads, unable or unwilling to agree on how to make things better.

As many as 90 percent of all marriage breakdowns relate to money problems of one sort or another. So why is the discussion of financial issues in pre-marital counselling and marriage renewal courses often relegated to the margins, glossed over or neglected altogether? Even the Marriage Course, an eight-session video study produced by the people who put together the Alpha program, fails to give serious attention to issues around family life and mammon. Money is the greatest cause of arguments in marriage, the course mentions in passing, then moves on to the next topic.

In a society in which almost all of the financial messages that people receive are “spend, spend, spend,” if Christian communities don’t have strong voices urging couples to live frugally and model the nitty gritty of positive choices, it is almost as if we’re silently affirming the culture. Vax-Oxlade cites statistics indicating that 70 percent of people spend more than their gross income every year.

An article in Psychology Today noted that most adults—67 percent of women and 74 percent of men—enter marriage with at least some debt. Far fewer have a plan on how to deal with the situation, or an understanding of the negative effects the unacknowledged presence can have on their household. This can compromise what Scott Stanley calls the three important elements of safety in relationships:

• The ability to talk freely,

• Safety from physical harm, and

• A sense of security about the future.

Shared understandings around the use of money—who pays for what, when do I need to check in about a proposed purchase—need to be talked through early and often to avoid resentment and mistrust. Too often, the conversations needed to develop a common philosophy around spending, saving and giving don’t happen. Remaining stuck in family-of-origin patterns around finances, be they unhealthy hoarding or compulsive spending, can be equally damaging to a partnership.

Challenges to face and deal with these issues are absent from pre-marriage counselling, in some cases because pastors feel rushed, uncomfortable or ill-equipped to address the topic. Yet these transitional milestone times provide opportunity for introducing new thoughts and approaches, to encourage communication and full disclosure as cornerstones of relational health.

When a colleague and I did a presentation on marriage and money to a group of recently and soon-to-be wed couples this fall, we noticed several things. All of the participants did their pre-work and eagerly received resources offered for them to take home. The common theme in post-event evaluations was a desire for more conversation, both as couples and in a group setting. There can be considerable power and healing in shared stories of strengths and struggles.

Can we take the time and make the space in our congregational communities, in livingrooms and other settings to allow these conversations to multiply and flourish?

Mike Strathdee is a stewardship consultant at the Kitchener, Ont., office of Mennonite Foundation of Canada (MFC). For stewardship education, estate and charitable gift planning, contact your nearest MFC office or visit mennofoundation.ca.

Family Ties

Covenant-making at church and at home

—Melissa Miller

Recently I visited the church that my family called home for more than 20 years. In the five years since I’ve left, the babies have become kids, the kids have become teenagers, and the adults have become…well, older. After the service, we visited over plates of potluck food. Seeing the faces of these loved ones crinkle with laughter, exchanging hugs and catching up on the news, I felt like I was home. I pondered the similarities between family and church relationships.

For some folk, these overlap. They go to church with their parents or grandkids, a dynamic that can be both a blessing and something other than blessing, I suppose. Like many others, I have migrated from home. On a typical Sunday, the only family member sharing church with me is my husband. Perhaps this makes me keener to view church as family.

Shortly after my visit to my previous church home, I heard a sermon on the topic of church and family at the congregation I now call home. During those months, the Confession of Faith in a Mennonite Perspective was under study, with particular attention that Sunday on the church and family (Articles 9 and 19). The Confession itself links these when it states, “As the family of God, the church is called to be a sanctuary offering hope and healing for families” (Article 19).

Dan Epp-Tiessen, who was preaching, integrated the two admirably, using biblical texts and storytelling to make his points. At children’s time, he used the well-loved, heartstring-tugging tale of Love You Forever (Robert Munsch’s description of a mother’s unconditional love for her son). He told the story well, and the adults listened closely; a few “big people” wiped away tears as the story ended.

He titled his sermon, “A covenant-making and covenant-keeping people,” concepts which apply equally to family and church relationships. Our understanding of covenant is shaped by the biblical witness of God, who pursues a relationship with humans, who makes covenantal promises to those well-loved people, and who stands by the promises that have been made.

At our best, this is what we do in our church and family relationships. At baptism, we enter into covenantal agreements with other brothers and sisters, promising to follow Jesus, to offer mutual support, and to give and receive counsel. As adults, we assume responsibilities in families. We promise to provide for and nurture the young. We commit ourselves to being present for the frail and the dying. Some of us exchange wedding vows, covenanting ourselves to each other in life-long commitments. We are covenant-making and covenant-keeping people.

But unlike God (and the steadfast mother in Love You Forever), sometimes we fail. We are unable to keep our covenants because of our own shortcomings or because of the weakness or sin of others. At such times, we need much grace.

We need to face our brokenness and abandon ourselves to God’s redemptive love. As the writer of I John reminds us, “If we confess our sins, he who is faithful…will forgive us.” Such a promise helps us be covenant-making and covenant-keeping people.

Melissa Miller (familyties@mts.net) is a pastor, counsellor and author from Winnipeg.


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